Things Ronnie Says

So, I’m at that point in my life again where I have no idea what’s going to happen!! Well isn’t that the point I’m always at? Currently I’m in a temporary position at a cable network. The permanent receptionist refuses to give a definitive date of when she’s returning (that is if she returns). Unfortunately, there haven’t been any open positions for me to apply to here- which  leaves me in limbo land. Luckily, the past year of my life has been spent in limbo land, so I know just what to do during these times- distract myself with other shit. Shit like: planning my Halloween costume; starting a potential book; pinning things I can’t afford; and of course, stress eating myself to death.
While I man, or should I say woman the front desk, I have some company. I am assisted by 3 guards. These guys have been super helpful and have made me feel super comfortable from day one. One guard in particular is absolutely hilarious and he doesn’t even try. His name is Ronnie (not his real name but close enough). He’s Mexican, or an Ese as he would describe himself, from Pasadena. Ronnie says the best things. Things that deserve to be used in a script, a book, be tweeted, or at the very least shared on a blog with minimal readership. So without further adieu, here are some of things Ronnie says:
How do you become a civil rights activist? I want to be one…
So Jewish people are like the KKK because only white people can be in it?
Hey I got bit by birds a lot when I was little; I think I have rabies.
Why do smart people have the smartest ideas?
Ronnie: Whoa you got a lot of bites on you, you think it’s Ebola?
Me: No, it’s mosquito bites
Ronnie: Yeah right! It’s Ebola! I’m gonna call you Ki-Bola now! 
* laughs hysterically *
Ronnie: (Whispers) This is my new voice 
me: What?
Ronnie: (Whispers) I sound like a ninja huh?
Ronnie: (To another male employee) Nice hair cut. Who did it?
Male Employee: This girl at my barbershop. 
Ronnie: Was she Black?
Male Employee: Yeah…
Ronnie: How come she didn’t braid it?  *laughs hysterically*

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