Happy New Year! (F*ck New Year’s Eve)

I love the new year. It’s full of new possibilities and opportunities. However, I hate New Year’s Eve! It’s so bad they even made a terrible movie in it’s honor, New Year’s Eve.  New Year’s Eve is the ultimate forced holiday. You have to pretend like it’s the apocalypse for fear of having an unlucky year. You have to get extremely wasted, go to a party, and make out with someone at midnight. Who made these rules? An LMFAO member? Which I believe if you play an LMFAO record backwards it tells you to kill yourself.
I’m single so there’s nothing like being around a group of drunk people who have their significant others or their significant kissing buddy at midnight. New Years Eve is a special time so why would I want to spend it with a bunch of drunk strangers? And it’s over at 12 a.m.! So you look forward to this night for days, weeks, sometimes even months, to go out at say 10 p.m. , do a countdown two hours later,  and that’s it? Most uneventful shit ever. It’s like we’re expecting the world to change when we say 1. But nothing changes. You’re still at the same party, listening to the same music, drinking the same drinks.
  images-14images-15Now that I’m over the hill (30) I’ve started my own New Year’s Eve tradition- staying in the house and getting to bed before 12 a.m. I used to hate when my parents lectured me on how dangerous it was to be out on New Years Eve.  But now that I’m a grown up and completely terrified of anyone born in the 90s, I believe them. So how do I spend my New Year’s Eve? Well, I usually like to get in my most comfortable PJs, find something good to binge watch (this year it was Sex and the City), make some comfort food, and fall asleep before the 3rd episode. Unfortunately, this year I was rudely awakened by fireworks or what I hope were fireworks (gunshots sound the same) maybe someone was listening to an LMFAO album.
*All of my thoughts on going out for New Year’s Eve may change if I find myself in a relationship. In which case I will wear the shimmery dress, drink my liver away, dance to Party Rock, and make out with my boo thang like no one is watching. 
Editors Note: I’m a Miranda in case you were wondering..

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