Roses are red..

No, I’m not on Gmail at 10:23p on a Saturday night (Valentine’s Day) writing a blog post in an email to send to my lovely editors

The problem with Valentines Day is that although it’s cooler and ironically funnier to be single on Valentine’s Day, most singles secretly want to be in a relationship.

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So what’s wrong with being in a relationship? And what’s wrong with being single? Nothing! They are both equally as much work. Being single is a full time relationship with yourself and being in a relationship is a full time relationship with someone else. Or at least it should be, unless you are one of those weirdos who believe it’s okay to marry yourself. And right after I googled that I realized Valentine’s Day might not be the best time to add “people who marry themselves” to my browser history.
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But whateves, I’m the only one who see’s my browser history. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah being single on Valentine’s Day. Us single people have to avoid certain social settings and basically go off the grid from any semi relationships we have with the opposite sex altogether. I didn’t even call my dad today because I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea.
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So how are we to navigate this auspicious day? Well if I were president I would get rid of the holiday on the basis that it’s discriminatory. We might as well start making single people wear a paper cut out of a black heart to indicate their single status. Seriously though, life was so much easier when we were all each other’s Valentines in grade school. Back then Valentine’s day was basically Halloween without the costumes.
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