We all know I have a terrible time meeting guys in social settings. With my social awkwardness, inability to flirt, and terrible case of resting bitchy face; guys aren’t too keen on striking up a conversation with me.
Thank God for social media. It gives us the ability to peer into someones life that we don’t know and make up a whole story about them which usually isn’t true. I ran across a profile of a guy, lets call him Tom, who struck my fancy. He met most of my soul mate qualities: cute, funny, artsy, and over 30. I found myself scrolling his page, watching his videos, and imagining what it would be like to meet him. Yes, I know this all sounds very creepy, but that’s the world we live in. So I decided to make a move. I followed him and liked a pic from 3 weeks ago. After receiving no response to my obvious IG flirting, I realized I needed to take this to the next level. I turned my social media stalking into actual stalking. My girlfriend and I decided to show up at his DJ set!
Crazy right? In my defense, he posted the flyer on his IG to all his followers. It was a public venue (a bar/arcade spot, that I love), and it’s not like I showed up at his birthday dinner at Chilis. In my mind our meeting would go like this:
I would walk in and he’d look up from the turntables at that very moment. He’d follow me with his eyes as I got change for quarters and walked towards Pac Man. He would then proceed to tell his back up to cover for him. I would be standing next to Pac Man pretending not to notice him approaching. I would go to put my quarter in and look up and he would be standing there and say something smooth like, ‘Can I play too?”. I would then beat him many times at Pac Man while Michael Jackson’s “Rock My World” coincidentally started playing. After we finished playing and talking he would say; “By the way, I’m Tom. We should go get tacos sometime”.
*RECORD SCRATCH* Then reality set in and I knew exactly what was going to happen when I saw him. I would walk by him a few times, never make eye contact, pretend to be really into any conversation or arcade game I was playing. Basically pretend like I didn’t come to this place to meet my future baby daddy. And that’s exactly what did happen. Well, sort of. My girlfriend I was with met a guy while playing Pac Man (the irony). They hit it off and even exchanged numbers! I did my best wing woman evasive maneuvers and played Centipede next to the DJ booth the rest of the night. Tom packed up and left. I’m sure he never even noticed me…or worse he did and couldn’t wait to get home to tell his friends about the creepy IG girl that came to his show.
Whatever… it all makes sense now. If I hadn’t stalked Tom my friend would not have met her possible potential soul mate. If they do get married it will make for a very interesting reception toast story. Anyway I feel less like a stalker and more like cupid- a semi creepy cupid who is really good at Pac Man.