R.I.P MJ

So context, my little sister sent me this AIM Sidekick exchange between her and her best guy friend Kory the day MJ died. My little sis and Kory are 90’s babies so they were about 19 at the time .Obviously, Kory was a die hard MJ fan. I thought it was only fitting on the anniversary of his death to share Kory’s heartfelt AIMs.

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Yo IM KoRy: krissy
Yo IM KoRy: omfg!
Yo IM KoRy: HE GONE
pur3allur3: lol
Yo IM KoRy: I’m over here crying
pur3allur3: i was jussss readin ur away mesg.

[AWAY] Yo IM KoRy: mom just got mad at me bcuz I told her I didn’t wanna live in a world without Micheal.  fck everybody!  Micheal Jackson?  wtf God why!  I’m crying..  and I just woke up bcuz my mom was talking to my uncle on the phone about it.  I’m really fckn hurt.

pur3allur3: its ok kory,he lived a good life

Yo IM KoRy: fck everybody!  Micheal Jackson?  wtf God why!  I’m crying.. fck man, I’m goin to the funeral.  I don’t care if I’m late to my own funeral I’m goin.  And this aint no joke, I really Love Micheal Jackson.  man fck just don’t aim me.  it just aint fair…………. “Just Leave Me Alone” – Micheal Jackson.
Yo IM KoRy: 😥
Yo IM KoRy: it just aint right.  yu think they can revive him?
Yo IM KoRy: or give him a heart?
pur3allur3: that’s one thing money can’t do
Yo IM KoRy: aint that bout a bitch!
pur3allur3: i knw
pur3allur3: its unreal                                                                                                                                           pur3allur3: u really cried Kory?
pur3allur3: i feel bad now for laughing at all those south park episodes when they were talking abt him.
pur3allur3: & his kid blanket

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My Invisible Boyfriend

If you’re single and you haven’t used a dating app yet, I assume you’re over 70. Otherwise there is no excuse. But what if you’re  just tired of dating online or in real life? What if you just want your friends and family to get off your back, to stop asking you if you want to get married, and for your coworkers to stop thinking you’re lesbian! Enter “Invisible Boyfriend”.

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When I first saw the app, I thought about Marsha’s invisible boyfriend from The Brady Brunch movie, cleverly named George Glass. Well now you can have your very own digital George Glass. Of course I had to try it out, not because I have family and friends I want to fool with technology  trickery but because I always wanted to make the perfect guy a la Weird Science.

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So I created Liam Cooper (sounds like he has an English accent, right?). He’s smart, witty, athletic, and likes tacos. However, I didn’t pay the sign up fees. I just got a kick out of  creating his profile. That was until I started receiving a series of texts from Liam. I obviously forgot to include that I didn’t want Liam to be a clingy bug a boo. What makes this even creepier is that Liam is an actual person. A person not named Liam, and possibly a woman. I need to break up with Liam. Maybe I’ll tell him I’m seeing someone else; a guy named George Glass.

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“Just Do It”

During my daily ritual of surfing the inter-webs I came across the Shia Labeouf “motivational video”. Of course the clip I saw only showed that weird rant and excluded the context. It was for an art project. But that didn’t stop the internet from making it ridiculous, as the internet always does. I LOL’d in real life most of the day as hilarious parody videos kept popping up. But my initial reaction to it gave me the following train of thought;

-Shia is still pretty hot with a rattail.

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-He was so great on Even Stevens * googles favorite clip from Even Stevens *
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-I wonder what his mom thought of that movie he was in that was basically a porno.

-I’m so glad I wasn’t a child star.
and

-Should I be doing more with my life?

Like, am I doing enough? Am I really pursuing my dreams or am I just pretending? I think society puts us in two categories: “the made it” and “the haven’t made it.” But what about the “actively pursuing?” We place a lot of emphasis on the outcome of our hard work but not enough on the struggle to do that hard work. It’s like we believe that whatever our goal is will magically get done just because we say it will. I think we need to stop looking at the top and start looking at what’s in front of us. Or, stop trying to eat the whole cake in one bite and instead take one slice at a time. Our goals aren’t going to be achieved overnight (unless your goal is to get a good night’s sleep) and it’s not going to happen the same way it did for our favorite idols and/or celebs. Not sure where I was going with this post, but yea, “Just do it!”

Free Sh*t

Sometimes I think my life is like Carrie from Sex and the City. Minus the sex and umm New York City.
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However, I am a writer, well, sort of, and I do get invited to lots of snazzy events. I attribute that to my diverse network of friends made up of creative, entertainment, and music people. Free shit. I’m about that life. I’ve never been one to get excited about free stuff, but when there are days when all you can afford for dinner is a sunflower seed butter(short essay on my love for sunflower seed butter coming soon) and jelly sandwich, you start to appreciate the freer things in life. So here is a short list of cool free shit I’ve done:

The Bill Mahr Show

Green room access, free food, DRANK, and you get stand in a room with really smart people. Which by default, obviously makes me really smart too.

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Free Concerts

I love live music shows and try my best to not sound pretentious when I say I listen to everything, but I do. I acquire some of my free tickets by subscribing to various music blogs and by being a KCRW member. I enter contests, I win.

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Charity events/Wrap parties

I merged these two because I really only go for one thing (well two): The free food and booze. I went to my first charity event this week and as I was listening to rich people bid on items that cost more than most people’s salaries I thought; why didn’t anyone tell me how good this cheese was?!

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Work Events
Now that I (temporarily) work for an entertainment company I get to go to my own cool free events like; movie screenings, book club meetings (we just covered Amy Pohler’s Yes, Please!), and being the guinea pig for a new ride at a theme park.
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One day I’ll have the glamorous writers lifestyle; cool apartment, fancy computer, and a dating life I can’t keep up with. But for now I’ll settle for my meager accommodations, my 2010 Macbook, and solo date nights…oh and lots of free sh*t.

Train People

The train (LA metro system) is basically filled with the same people from every government establishment you hate; the DMV,  courthouse, hell, etc. Since I love categorizing things here are a few people you encounter on the train:

Crazy people. I don’t mean to make fun of homeless people or people with mental illnesses but hey they make up a big portion of the public transportation system. And one thing I’ve noticed about them is that they love an audience. They will be perfectly fine before they step on the train and as soon as those doors close, show time!

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People with kids. These are the real MVP’s. It’s hard enough riding the train and worrying about your own safety.  But they also have worry about  the safety of another tiny human. I imagine people with kids biggest responsibility is to make sure no one steals their kid(s) (see: Crazy People).  To make matters worse they usually have a lot of shit; snacks, backpack, stroller, crib, more kids, etc.

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Teenagers. I’m either fascinated or extremely annoyed by these riders. Some have hilarious conversations that take me back to high school. Some of them are displaying wayyy too much PDA. And some, *sighs*, some of them like to blast what sounds like YG and Young Thug’s combined mixtapes through subwoofer’sBecause that’s exactly what everyone wants to hear at 7am. -_-

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Old people. They give me hope for the future.

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People going to work (me). These are the people who are making the most of their time on the train. Because they know once they walk into that office their agenda will be set aside for “the man”. You see these people, reading, listening to music, or writing this blog post 🙂

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Miscellaneous riders: The guy who thought it was ok to smoke a joint on the train, the gangster Asian chick that told him to put it out, the lady who could barely speak English who asked me if every stop, was her stop, the creepy old guy who told me I was beautiful while awkwardly facing me in a packed train car, and lastly, the lady who was drinking an entire gallon of milk.

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Hug it Out

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My name is Kiana and I’m an awkward hugger.  There I said it. I own it. I’ve never been a big hugger and some would say it’s because my parents weren’t the most affectionate people or because of some other event that happened or didn’t happen while I was being socialized. Whatever the reason is I’m starting to hate it. It’s not that I don’t like hugging or being hugged. It’s just that I think of hugging as an agreement between two people. But what if I don’t know if that person agrees? When is it appropriate to hug? When do you know the person even wants to be hugged?

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Meeting up with leaving people gives me the most anxiety. I have to make decision if we’re gonna hug or nah. Then there are the times I leave a group of people and hug a few people and hope that the ones I didn’t hug don’t think I’m a non hugging jerk. Then when I do hug, I give the awkward side hug  which is sometimes worst than not hugging at all.  Someone needs to invent an app, a TED talk, or at least a sign that lets people know it’s safe to hug. Sigh…

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