I heard one of the realest and funniest jokes at a comedy show from a comedian named Kyle Kinane. Kyle said, “LA is great. You can pick whatever age you liked best and be that age forever.” If that theory is true I’ve picked 17. Of course I do grown up stuff like pay bills and listen to NPR. But other than that I’m basically a cooler version of my 17 year old self. I wonder if I went back in time, would I hang out with 17 year old Kiana? Would she be able to sit with us? I don’t know.
All I know is all the activities I end up at make me realize even more that La La Land is more like Never, Never Land. For example, I ended up house party a few weeks ago. I felt like I was on a movie set of House Party 5: LA gets It In. I should write movie titles. Is that a job? *Makes note to self* Anyway, it had all the makings of a college frat party; it was packed and there was a massive line of people pushing to get in. No house party is complete without people getting pushed around. There was a DJ and hot box of a living room/dance floor. Where was all the furniture? Everyone was drunk probably because most people were walking around with giant bottles of Jack Daniels to share amongst friends. There was the typical ridiculously long line to the bathroom probably because someone was hogging the bathroom doing a few lines of coke. And there I was standing with a group of friends drinking Jack Daniels out of a Styrofoam cup.
Am I complaining about LA’s forever young lifestyle? No. Am I okay with it? Maybe…
I went to a screening of End of the Tour last week. I had seen the trailer and thought I might want to see it
, but not pay for it. Then KCRW surprised its members (me) with free tickets (free shit!), so I had to go. The movie is about a Rolling Stone interview (that was never published) between David Foster Wallace, a fiction writer, and Dave Lipsky a writer and journalist for the magazine. I wasn’t familiar with the story and only knew that David F. Wallace had committed suicide a few years back.
So why am I writing a post about it this? Well for one I’m still trying to decide if the movie was good or just really, really, pretentious? I’m not familiar with novelist personalities so I don’t know if they are all portrayed like the guys in the film; super smart and tortured. I did however see a few similarities between both guys and myself. David said things that I related to so much that it was scary considering he was a guy who killed himself. Things like he doesn’t like getting close to people because he’s scared he’s going to hurt them. I have that same feeling when it comes to men. I’ve never said this out loud because I always thought it was a pretty arrogant thing to say. David, who was also a fellow introvert, went on to say he feels like he uses people for company.
I can think of specific times when I’ve been tired of my solitude and reached out to find someone to hang out with. But what’s wrong with that? I can’t be around people 24/7. And I can’t be alone 24/7 either. So why not reach out to people when you’re lonely? Maybe it’s the motive? Loneliness, that was what his novel, Infinite Jest, was about. Or at least that’s what he intended it to be about. Sometimes I wonder if the only way to be a good writer, a successful one, is to be slightly to severely mentally disturbed. I do know you have to have a great deal of self-awareness. So, I guess I’m recommending this movie.
There are things I wish I had growing up. Material things like; a treehouse, Baby Kiana doll (mostly because we had the same name), a twin sister I didn’t know about until we discovered each other in Contempo Casuals. Back then my list of potential husbands included: Zach Morris, The Black & Green Power Rangers, and the black kid from VR Troopers (I had a thing for teenagers turned superheroes). As far as a career I had no idea what I wanted to be; a singer, an actress, a model? I grew up in LA what do you expect? I just knew that I would go to college and it would somehow all magically work out.
Well I wasn’t entirely wrong about college. It helped some but did not solve all life’s questions. Now I think about the things I wish I had as an adult and they are somewhat more practical. Things like an apartment with a patio, a cat (maybe), to spend more time with my real life non twin sisters. As for a mate, we all know I would love to be Mrs. Franco. But like I said, I’m an adult now, and I’m slightly more realistic about what I want in a man. I believe it comes down to certain qualities, not just the ability to morph into a Tyrannosaurs Rex. I want a man who is Jon Stewart, ASAP Rocky, Phil Dunfy, and Barrack Obama all rolled into one. So obviously, I’m looking for someone who is racially ambiguous. Or looks like “evolution” as my friend Lori puts it.
I finally did it! After months of agonizing, I finally deleted my Instagram account! I know I sound like one of those people. Those people who have to announce when they delete a social media account like they are better than everyone or something. But whatevs, I didn’t come to this decision lightly. Deleting a social media account is likened to breaking up with a boyfriend or breaking up with your 400 or so followers. But I had to do it. Instagram was taking over my life. The need to scroll was real.
I paused for a moment when it asked me to enter my password one last time before it deleted 3 years of pics and videos. I know, I’m dramatic. I felt like a weight had been lifted. No more mindless scrolling, no more thinking before posting, no more wishing some people weren’t allowed to have an Instagram account. I was living the post free life. Sure I still had Facebook, but it just wasn’t the same.
About a year ago I downloaded Snapchat. At first I didn’t use Snapchat because I heard it was just used for tweens and teens to sext each other. Also for triflin men who didn’t want to get caught by their girlfriend getting naked pics. Maybe I should explain how it works; Snapchat lets you post pics and videos with a 10 seconds max viewing time. You can also send private pics & messages that delete after you read/view them (see what I mean about the triflin part?). Anyway, I’d been watching my friends use it and started to feel like I could maybe use it for good instead of evil.
However, I’m starting feel like I’ve just transferred my obsession from one addicting social media app to another. Like a
girl person who jumps from one relationship to the next. But unlike Instagram there isn’t the compelling need to troll scroll but instead there is the compelling need to post and admire the random stories you create. For example, when my friend and I found a Blockbuster video and just had to snap our discovery. So Snapchat is my rebound from Instagram. Doesn’t everyone need a rebound though?