On to the next…

My fingers don’t even want to type this but; I didn’t get the job. The job that I thought was gonna be my foot in the door (hell I’d be inside having tea and cookies if I got this job), I didn’t get it. You always think about giving up. Like I could just move back to my dads house and get addicted to second life games, gain 100lbs, and never have to worry about pursing my dreams ever again (or ever getting a boyfriend). But I can’t. Like I physically and mentally can not stop. My brain is always 10 steps ahead. Even before I received the news about not getting the job I already had applied to a million more jobs here, sent my resume out to other entertainment friends, and started up my entertainment job search membership again. I can’t do nothing. I don’t have time to feel bad about this. Rejection is a part of the process. It does make me wonder though, if I didn’t get this awesomely amazing position, what position am I going to get? It must be so big that I can’t even conceive it right now…

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Great Moments In Gchat History

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If you work at a desk in front of a computer all day chances are you use Gchat. If you don’t have a Gchat account chances are you aren’t reading this post because you probably still have a MySpace account and live in 2004. I consider you a close friend if you reside on my gchat friends list and we have daily conversations. Talking to my friends on Gchat has got me through some of the hardest/boringest (yup made that up) days at work by having some of the most epically funny conversations. With friends like these….who needs comedians?

The following conversations took place over gchat with various guy friends and girl friends who’s names have been redacted to protect their privacy. Although I’m sure most of them would proudly claim these one liners lol.

Me: Is social awkwardness sexy? If so, I’m basically Prince.

Me: But u were making out with a Russian chick?? Hoes in different country codes?

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Guy Friend: Give them my number in Spain. They will be filming here for next season
651 *7 77 3*
Me: lol what is that, a math problem?

Guy Friend: from your instagram I get the feeling you live like Paris Hilton
of course, that’s what it looks like in my head.
Me: Lmao! More like the complete opposite, Ferris Hilton, the step sister that lives in the attic of a Hilton.

Girl Friend: Ever take a tampon off and it dropped on the floor? In a public restroom?
I just pooped like five pounds, I’m at 132 now…

Me: I’m looking at pics from the pool parties at Coachella, there are like no blk ppl, and everyone looks weird AF

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Me: I’m working at the temp agency and just overheard a description for the most amazing position!
Guy Friend: MISSIONARY?!

Girl Friend: I had a dream I wanted to rent a boat for my b day and got the most expensive one
Me: lmao #firstworlddreams

Me: “I had a dream I ate a meal”-#thirdworlddreams

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My Biggest Fear

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I feel like everything in my life is pushing me to do stand-up. Not because I think I’m funny, but because that’s just what I was told comedy writers should do. And what better time to do it; I don’t have a real job, I don’t have a completed pilot, and I don’t really have anything to lose at this point in life. Your life being in shambles is funny, right?  However, for me the thought of getting on stage to give an audience of strangers 3-5 minutes of funny, is equated to jumping out of plane with no parachute. So basically I would rather die than do stand-up. Like what would I even talk about? Maybe I could just read the random notes in my iPhone…

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Mexican Donald Trump.  No punchline just an idea.

Nicknames- White guys who grew up in black neighborhoods always have a nickname that was given to them by their black friends. It’s always “White” followed by their actual name, i.e. White Mike. It doesn’t really work the other way around. For example, a black guy who grew up in a white neighborhood. “Hey, black Dave”<—Nope not okay.

Meeting up with people- I find it liberating to meet up with friends without sending the “I’m here” or “where are you text”. It’s exciting to find your friend in a crowd like the olden days before cell phones. I think it makes me look cool when I show up places alone. Onlookers see me arrive solo and think, “Damn did she just come here alone? And then happen to see someone she knows?! That’s bad ass!”

Conversations with kids– I hate people who try to have adult conversations with kids. They ask questions like “Do you like school?” Of course they like school; they get to play, color, and eat snacks that come in packages. If a 5 year old answers any differently than “yes” and says “actually I find it rather redundant”, then we have a problem.

I only follow fat people on Instagram to feel better about myself.

My greatest fear is being high and/or naked during an earthquake.

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