My Biggest Fear

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I feel like everything in my life is pushing me to do stand-up. Not because I think I’m funny, but because that’s just what I was told comedy writers should do. And what better time to do it; I don’t have a real job, I don’t have a completed pilot, and I don’t really have anything to lose at this point in life. Your life being in shambles is funny, right?  However, for me the thought of getting on stage to give an audience of strangers 3-5 minutes of funny, is equated to jumping out of plane with no parachute. So basically I would rather die than do stand-up. Like what would I even talk about? Maybe I could just read the random notes in my iPhone…

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Mexican Donald Trump.  No punchline just an idea.

Nicknames- White guys who grew up in black neighborhoods always have a nickname that was given to them by their black friends. It’s always “White” followed by their actual name, i.e. White Mike. It doesn’t really work the other way around. For example, a black guy who grew up in a white neighborhood. “Hey, black Dave”<—Nope not okay.

Meeting up with people- I find it liberating to meet up with friends without sending the “I’m here” or “where are you text”. It’s exciting to find your friend in a crowd like the olden days before cell phones. I think it makes me look cool when I show up places alone. Onlookers see me arrive solo and think, “Damn did she just come here alone? And then happen to see someone she knows?! That’s bad ass!”

Conversations with kids– I hate people who try to have adult conversations with kids. They ask questions like “Do you like school?” Of course they like school; they get to play, color, and eat snacks that come in packages. If a 5 year old answers any differently than “yes” and says “actually I find it rather redundant”, then we have a problem.

I only follow fat people on Instagram to feel better about myself.

My greatest fear is being high and/or naked during an earthquake.

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