Holiday Parties Part 3

Just when you thought 2 holiday parties were enough, my job comes through with holiday party #3 FTW! And for my loyal 2-3 readers, yes, this is the last holiday party post…until next year.

 The last holiday party was conveniently scheduled on the last day of work before our much needed 2 week vacation. It was a holiday party for the people who worked on a particular band. The party consisted of a BBQ lunch with every kind of hot dog known to man, beer and champagne, a pageant type awards ceremony, and a white elephant gift exchange! Since our team consists of roughly 85 people the whole event took about 4 hours.
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During the awards ceremony we were all acknowledged for our hard work. They gave each person a personalized sash that indicated something special about that person. As I watched everyone receive their sash and listen to people speculate who should receive which sash i.e. Mr. Super Average or Ms. Instagram Queen, I thought; I’m new here what could my sash possibly say? Ms. New Bi*ch? Then like a movie, when a character is lost in thought and doesn’t hear their name being called, I was called to the front to receive my sash: Ms. Secret Scribe. I was super surprised they recognized me as a writer. I’m sure I mentioned it to someone at some point. I would have also gracefully accepted Ms. New Bi*ch.
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After the hour long award ceremony we were given a pee break and returned for the ultimate white elephant gift exchange. If you ever get a chance to play white elephant please play it with some creatives they have the best ideas for funny/unique gifts. Some of my favs were; wolf urine, a live lobster dinner (a pot containing a lobster that was still alive), a parking ticket envelope with $100 cash in it, and two waterproof disposal cameras which I ended up with in round 1. In the end, I went home with a Simon that I was able to steal in the last round. Then we all stumbled back to our desks and pretended to do work for the next hour or so.
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I felt the need to write a post for each party because I’m just so grateful and appreciative of where I am right now. And by right now I mean, in my bed, writing this post, on a Monday afternoon, because I’m still on vacation. I don’t know what 2016 is going to bring but I know I’m super excited for whatever is to come.
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Holiday Parties Part 2

So a week after the festive red carpet holiday party our internal department holiday party was scheduled. This one was especially exciting for me because the itinerary was comparable to my ideal first date; mimosa’s with a secret santa gift exchange, Ubers to The Broad, and lunch (with more drinks) at Blue Cow Kitchen. Seriously, if a guy planned that date for me I would probably marry him or at the very least, go out with him again.

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After we had a few mimosas and opened all our awesome gifts we took a group photo before we got too wasted. Then we all hopped in Ubers. I opted to hop in one with my fellow department colleagues that I didn’t know, just to switch things up a bit. I know, I know, me, wanting to engage in social interaction with new people, who would have thought?
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The Broad was amazing! I kinda kicked myself for not standing in the line for the Infinity Room considering I’d been to the museum before. But there will be other times.  After the Broad we all went to lunch where the turn up continued. At first my co worker and I were unsure if we should order drinks (alcoholic ones) but when we found out drinks were included (expensed) we quickly changed our tea and water order to wine and margaritas!
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By the time the Ubers arrived I was ‘uber’ tired from all the day drinking. I made the mistake of falling asleep on the way back only to wake up to a department wide email picture of me knocked all the way out. Well played guys, well played. We came back to work to a company wide happy hour sponsored by one of our clients. It was one of the few times I turned down free drinks. I went home early to recoup for Holiday party #3…
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Holiday Parties Part 1

Last year during the holiday season I was Cinderella. I was working a temp job that required me to watch an office while everyone went to their holiday party. Being a temp prohibited you from most job perks like attending the highly coveted, office holiday party. But this year, my new job had the holiday party end all holiday parties. The theme was “Festive Red Carpet” so naturally we were given a Pintrest board of dress ideas that included Lady Gaga’s meat dress and Bjork’s swan number. I was super excited to dress up since the last thing I dressed up for was my birthday in 2014. I ordered a dress with an Angelia Jolie split, got my make up done at work, and was ready for the ball.
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The party was at a iconic theater downtown complete with open bar (obviously), hors d’oeuvres (first time I’ve ever used that in a sentence) galore, and an award presentation comparable to The Office’s, Dundie awards.
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There were awards for things like; “best gif maker”, “who wore it best”, and “who’s most likely to steal your lunch.” Then there was the talk of the special guest DJ. Who ended up being Big Boi from Outkast! Which pretty much made my night. I drank, I danced, I called a lyft, which was free thanks to our company, and somehow stumbled into work the next day. That’s right, everyone still had to come into work the next day! The hangover struggle was real. But at least we were all rewarded with breakfast burritos.
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So much for the office parties that consist of an hour lunch of finding out who your secret santa is, drinking egg nog, and listening to crappy holiday music.
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I don’t know these people but I would imagine their holiday parties are really, really, boring.

Independence Day

Disclaimer: Here’s a lost post from when I was working at my last temp job. I’m late but whateves, don’t judge me.
I know it’s October, so why the hell am I talking about Independence Day? Well for one, having basic cable at your desk forces you to watch a lot of old movies. Last week I saw Point Break for the first time and since Keanu Reeves apparently stopped aging in 1995, I’m convinced he really is The One.

Anyway I forgot how much I enjoyed this movie (Independence Day). I realized this is the movie that confirmed my heterosexuality. Will Smith, Jeff Goldblum, and Harry Connick Jr.  never looked better. Speaking of fine men, I’m not mad at Liam Hemsworth being casted as the lead in the sequel/reboot, Independence Day 2. Sidebar: Liam is only 25, so many more years of hotness ahead of him.


Going to see Independence Day gave me something else to do besides cower in fear of the fireworks going off outside. Yes, I have self diagnosed pyrotechnophobia, fear of fireworks. A phobia that got me a lot of weird looks as a kid when I’d prefer to stay in doors instead of stand outside in the street and light roman candles, which let’s be honest, are just kid friendly bombs. It’s 2015 you would think they would veto such an antiquated way to celebrate a holiday. But we still celebrate Columbus Day, which essentially celebrates someone discovering something that had already been discovered, so yeah. Moral of the story; Independence Day the movie is great, Independence Day (fireworks) the holiday not so great. Thee End.

No Days Off


​Is it just me or do weekends seem like extensions of the work week rather than much needed time to relax?  This weekend was the first weekend I realized my job, well this project, has taken over my life. I haven’t been able to do normal stuff like: go to the bank, get gas, do laundry, or shower. The project has gotten so crazy that we were all asked to work through the weekend. Which isn’t a terrible thing since all of us are super excited to be a part of something so great.  I also had no life altering plans this weekend so working through the weekend isn’t the worst thing in the world for me. I did however plan on attending a particular ugly sweater party. And after having one too many drinks at the party, my roommate and I ended up meeting up with some of her friends. I am told I made an awkward expression towards them by being engaged in a heated debate over Justin Bieber vs Byrson Tiller. My roommate said I kept repeating; “Byrson Tiller has ‘staying power'”. For the record I may have heard like 2 of Byrson’s songs but drunk Kiana does not f*ck with Bieber that much that she will fiercely defend any of his competitors. I don’t care how good his new album is.


Anyway between the time I Uber’d (thats a verb right?) home and took off my make up I managed to scratch my cornea. I woke up in the middle of the night in excruciating pain and had to go to the ER, probably the Bieber Gods punishing me for my blasphemy. I’m currently rocking an eye patch and possibly looking for a bedazzled one in case I still need it by thursday, the day of my holiday party (that’s a whole other post). Side note: I went to 3 CVS’s to find an eye patch! Why the f*ck are eye patches sold out everywhere? Is there some new pirate gang I don’t know about? Oh and I still needed to stare at compute through Saturday and miss the anniversary happy hour ($1 drinks ya’ll!) at one my favorite bars. It’s basically the Maclarens for my friends and I. But given my eye situation I was happy to sit down and work.

Working from home wasn’t so bad considering I was also able to meet up with friends at my favorite coffee shop, watch the new Wiz Live!, hear Coldplay’s new album (it’s better than Bieber’s), and eat my favorite meal on Earth; Thai pineapple fried rice. And that was just Friday and Saturday. Today I hope to write a post (check), workout, grocery shop, find shoes for the holiday party, and of course, work. Let’s see how many of those things actually happen.