Sobriety Sucks

Hi, my name is Kiana and I’m….sober. There, I said it out loud. Now you all know my dirty little secret. Well technically it’s just a ‘detox’. A detox that also includes giving up processed foods, meat, and one app addiction, Snapchat. So yes, to quote my friend, I am, essentially, dying. No, I’m not an alcoholic, I didn’t severely embarrass myself after a night of binge drinking, nor have I been diagnosed with some alcohol abusing disease. But I did feel like I needed to see if it were even possible for me to stop drinking for a extended period of time, 21 days to be exact.
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 I started this sober journey last monday. And I’m starting to realize how hard it is to give up the bottle, for the following reasons:
1) Drinking is fun and just makes your life more interesting. You would have never; texted that ex, danced that hard, or passed out in a jack in the box drive thru at 2am if it wasn’t for alcohol.
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 2) It’s an excuse to to catch up with friends.
 3) I work at a company that has mandatory happy hours. Speaking of which last friday I was the only person without a drink in their hand at our Friday happy hour. I was already the awkward semi new kid on the block but now I’m the sober semi new kid on the block. I’m basically committing social suicide.
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Speaking of social situations, without alcohol they are almost unbearable. The whole act of going out isn’t even designed for sober people. There’s literally alcohol everywhere. The other night a friend and I attended a comedy show and just stared at and smelled all the delicious drinks being consumed around us. I almost had to call my sponsor. But seriously though If I can’t get through 21 days of not drinking I may consider AA or at the very least, shorten my detox time. A week is good right?

Karen

Staycation Over

Remember in elementary school when you used to have to write about what you did over the Christmas and/or Summer break? Mine was always like; I watched cartoons and saw my family.  Times were simpler then. Now, the mere thought of having unlimited amounts of free time gives me anxiety. It’s as though I need a detailed itinerary for my vacation so I don’t feel like a complete bum. I tired my best to not have expectations for my 2 week staycation.  I got some writing (very little) done, attended a writing workshop, slept in till 8am (I know, I’m such a rebel), binged watch Master of None for a second time, saw Good Will Hunting for the first time (now I’m obsessed with Boston boys with abandonment issues), played the lotto (spoiler alert: I didn’t win), went on two hikes, went to a museum, and ate like crap.

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Oh my God who am I?! An adult? Fuck!* how the hell did that happen? I should have drank everyday and made bad decisions. Well I did drink almost everyday but all my decisions were responsible. What a waste of time! I used to struggle with how to be an adult and how I believed they should look and act. But it looks like I’ve already cultivated that magical healthy balance. Being an adult in 2016 is; watching spongebob but also knowing how to balance a check book. Wait, that’s a terrible analogy no one knows how to balance a checkbook. Tangets. Sorry. I guess I shouldn’t judge myself for how I spent my vacay. Because you know what? That’s how the fuck you vacation……as an adult.

*I can say fuck now because I’m an adult.

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