Can we all agree that the internet is super creepy? It contains all of our information, like ALL of it, where we went to school, what our favorite foods are, who we cyber stalk, etc. And when we die, our profiles live on the internet forever….F-O-R-E-V-E-R.
How’s that for a Black Mirror episode premise? With all this public information how does anyone keep anything on the DL? Well, we don’t really, you basically have to be a web developer to figure out Facebook’s privacy settings. But we need the internet it’s our friend. It tells us when it’s a friend’s birthday, what video has gone viral in a given day, why we should or shouldn’t vote for someone, when our arch nemesis gets that job we wanted, when our ex that we’re still in love with has moved on, when someone has died. Yup, the internet sure is our best friend. But what if it all just went away? And by ‘it’ I mean, social media. What if every social media platform that ever existed; Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Vine (wait that one is already gone), hell, even Myspace, was deleted? And there was no way to recover this information. How would our lives change? Well because I’m a weirdo I’ve actually given this some significant thought:
Our circle of friends would get smaller – People would probably develop PTSD from not having access to everyone’s lives everyday so they would create massive text groups so everyone could stay updated on each other’s lives. But what about those friends you only interact with on social media? You don’t have their number so would that ‘connection’ just go away? Are there really people you call your friend whose number you don’t have? I guess DM’s and @’s have replaced phone numbers.
We’d have to enjoy moments privately – What will you do when you take a trip, get a dish with a dope presentation, or have a date night with your new bae, and there’s nowhere to post that photo you can’t help but take? I guess you can still take the picture, look at it occasionally when you want to remember that moment, maybe even show it to a few people. But will you really feel validated if the picture isn’t capable of getting ‘likes’?
We’d have to listen to each other in conversations – When you go out with friends and there’s no social media to constantly scroll through, how are you supoosed to get through that outing? You and your friends might have to, god forbid, talk to each other. And not just talk to each other but actually listen to what each other are saying instead of interrupting them every 5 mins with a new meme or gif of the salt sprinkling guy, which I have to admit is pretty hilarious. The internet has no chill.
We’d have to look elsewhere for celeb gossip – How would we know what Kim K. and Kanye are doing if we can’t follow @shaderoom anymore? How Sway? We could probably pick up a trashy gossip magazine that will have pictures of them from a week ago with an inaccurate caption or headline. Which is VERY different from looking at a gossip IG account.
We’d have to be productive at work – This one would probably affect me the most because I literately look at social media 85 times a day according to some article I read.
(me at work)
We’d have to become humans again. You know, individuals capable of thoughts and emotions? Not the pseudo-human-drones social media has turned us into.
I’m sure most of you who read this think I’m one of those anti-social-media-hippies who probably doesn’t have a TV. Clearly, I own a TV and watch it everyday. I’m just the average millennial noticing how we’re becoming less and less human due to our lack of interaction with reality. Also if the Russians really wanted to shake things up they’d just delete every social media platform and just wait…