F*ck Jesse Williams.

Yo f*ck Jesse Williams. Like seriously. He comes in our lives with his good looks and perfect body and then has the nerve to drop knowledge on us! You can’t be fine AND woke. It does not work like that sir. The things he says should only come out of the mouth of some guy I’m in no way attracted to. So when he speaks I’m actually listening to what he says and not distracted by his piercing blue or whatever-color-they-choose-to-be-that-day, eyes. You know what Jesse Williams is to single women? False hope. I’m supposed to believe that men like him exist in real life? Nah bruh, I need some kind of scandalous information to come out about you like; you kick dogs, you litter, you put bowls of cereal in the fridge, or you’re a sex addict — actually that last one wouldn’t even be an L in his case. Sh*t, something has to be off about this man so we can all breath a sigh of relief that he’s imperfect just like the rest of us.

I’m being facetious of course. I don’t know much about Jesse Williams besides a handful of his tweets, a controversial/brilliant award acceptance speech, and a ton of shirtless Grey’s scenes. And then there was that one time he came in for a meeting at the network I was working for. I was working the front desk. He walked in and headed straight for me. Time stopped. It was like a movie when a character encounters their crush and they’re so busy daydreaming that they don’t even hear what their crush is saying in the present moment. “I’m here to see (insert network executive).” I like to believe he imprinted on me that day and that all the unicorn energy he gives off somehow rubbed off on me and one day I’ll meet my own Jesse Williams, and he’ll be fine AND woke.
You shut your gorgeous mouth!