I’m finally free! I just finished working an extremely exhausting 3 month gig for an agency that’s basically the Death Star of the agency world. I know that doesn’t account for the other months of me being MIA on this blog but it’s a pandemic and I’m just proud of myself for taking a shower every day! Anyway, one of the benefits of being a freelancer means I get to pick and choose when I work so I’m taking some time off to focus on doing what I quit my 9-5 for, writing. I even kickstarted my time off with a trip to NY which in hindsight might not have been the best idea for my finances but damnit if I didn’t need a break from LA and all my “to-do’s”. I have so many writing projects to work on right now I don’t even know where to begin. First, I need to write a bio. Only problem is I have no idea how to write about myself.
If I let you read my current bio you’d think it’s a bio for a robot; My name is Kiana. I’m a writer. I like things. That’s basically what my bio says. As I read through other writer’s bios, I’m starting to feel like I haven’t had the most interesting life. And I’d like to take this opportunity to blame my parents for this. Damn them for not being research zoologists in Africa and homeschooling me then making me go to public high school or for not giving me cool experiences like learning how to bobsled. I’m just a typical 37-year-old from LA who’s interests include, TV, Pintrest, sleep and recipes on Pintrest. So I thought of couple of things I almost did in life that if I actually did them would make my bio more interesting.
I almost joined the track team in high school. And by almost I mean, I spent a week in off-season track and quit when I realized we actually have to run more in off-season. Like, why is it called “off”-season track then? Anyway, I got out of it by signing up to be the stat girl for our JV boys basketball team. Being a stat girl meant I didn’t have to take a physical education elective and got to leave at 5th period to travel for away games. But what if I would have stayed in off season track which eventually turned into “in” season track? Would I have cool competition stories or wins to share in my bio?
I almost pledged a sorority in college. In my sophomore year of college I became interested in a certain historically black sorority and started attending some meetings and volunteering with them. But when it came down to the commitment and knowing what it would take to become a member of this sorority, I decided it wasn’t for me. But what if I would have pledged? I probably would have been motivated to get better grades, decided to be a lawyer or some other practical high achieving profession, married a doctor, brought a brownstone in Brooklyn and named my youngest child Rudy!
I also almost joined the Peace Corps. Back in 2010 I was distraught from a “break up” (yes, it deserves quotations) and I was thinking of a way out of LA by joining the Peace Corps. It was a very attractive option for 27-year-old me who thought the idea of living in a developing country with little to no basic amenities like an indoor bathroom or electricity could be a transformative experience. I was looking for anything to distract myself from the pain of that relationship. But thankfully, I realized I was too young and black for an Eat, Pray, Love situation and needed to handle my heartbreak like everyone else, with self reflection and and binge watching the entire The Office series. But I could have ended up in Kuwait and turned into to one of those people who brag about how they don’t own a TV and compost everything.
Just writing those almost stories made me realize there is something I can add to my bio, I’m practical AF. Even when I was young and dumb I still made the right decisions for me and never regretted them. I can find a solution to most problems in my life and it comes from really knowing who I am and what I need to thrive. So maybe I don’t have the most unique bio but I do have experiences and you need real life experiences to use in your writing.
Now I’m going to write a short film about a track star who joins a sorority and the peace corps to find her birth parents in Uganda…
whatwasisupposedtobedoingagain 